A table at Simpsons, a couple days later.
Holmes: You look a bit disconsolate, Watson. Are you not enjoying
this exquisitely prepared meal?
Watson: Have you seen our waiter? I need the waiter.
Mary: John, sit down! You're figiting again!
Watson: Sorry, I was looking for our waiter, but the crowd seems to
be diverting his attention away to the other side of the room.
Holmes: Watson, I believe you will just have to wait your turn.
Mary: Yes, John, why do you think they are called "waiters?"
Watson: Hmmmm...thank you, Mary.
Male Voice offstage: I'm waiting for Godot.
Watson (to offstage male): Quiet! Now, Holmes, you told us before
that all would be revealed about what happened at dinner. And now, I
am patiently waiting.
Mary: Have I a job for you...
Watson: Shhhh, Mary. Now, Holmes, would you please...
Holmes: Ah, my dear Watson. Do you not know my methods by now? Relax
first. Finish your meal. Tell me, old boy, how is your ham steak? It
looks excellent.
Watson: Quite delicious, Holmes.
Holmes: And how about you, my dear Mrs. Watson?
Mary: The moose is exquisite. I recommend it. Bit tough, though.
Watson: And, what about you, Holmes? How are your oysters?
Holmes: Capital, old man! You know, when I think about oysters...
Watson: HOLMES! Please! Not again!
Holmes: Sorry. I guess I should go easy on you after the last few
days of your stressful ordeal.
Watson: Speaking of which, I can't finish eating unless we resolve
an answer to our "incident." Mary understands. She is very supportive
of everything I do. Isn't that correct, Mary?
Mary: Be quiet and eat your hamish, John.
Watson: What?
Mary: I mean "...your ham, John."
Holmes: And how is your head, Watson?
Watson: Better. But I still don't understand what happened to me.
Mary: And, I don't understand why John kept blabbering on
about "saving me." How did he end up at Charing Cross?
Holmes: Please! You both have many questions about the last few days,
but all will be revealed in due time. Ah, I know we could have been
content with an uneventful late supper before the fire, but I believe
that the successful conclusion of this perplexing mystery
necessitated the need for a special repast.
Watson: Holmes? "Successful?" What do you mean? Do you have a
solution to this mystery?
Holmes: What did you say?
Watson: Err..I said "solution to this mystery."
Holmes: "Solution?" "Solution?" Did you say "solution?"
Watson: Uh oh.
Mary: NOW you've done it!
Holmes (gets up on table and begins to sing):
Solution. Solution. I'm a man who seeks solution.
When there's a case to solve, I'm a man who seeks solution.
Solution. Solution. I'm a man who seeks solution.
Before a case or during, I always need solution.
And when I'm "detecting," I'm King of the Falls,
And when the mystery's solved, it's heaven.
Percentage-wise, I'm 100 percent;
At least, I'm over seven.
Watson: Holmes?
Holmes: Errr...yes, Watson?
Watson: Are you through?
Holmes (getting down from table): Yes, Watson. Sorry.
Male Voice offstage: Sounds like you're determined to make this a
musical after all.
Holmes: Watson, give me your revolver.
Watson: Gladly, Holmes.
Holmes (shoots offstage): Now then, where was I? Ah, yes. The
answer...
Male Voice offstage: Auggh! It's an Eley's!
Holmes: ...the answer, Watson, is simple. I suppose I should tell
you now that dinner is ruined.
Mary: You got footprints on my moose!
Watson: Hmmm...GIGANTIC footprints.
Holmes (producing a bit of wood from his pocket): I came to the
logical conclusion that the answer lies in THIS.
Watson: A piece of a boat?
Holmes: Ship, actually. Yes, it's from the steamship "Moriarty."
Watson: And what is the connection between this and all the events
we endured, Holmes.
Mary: Yes, Mister Holmes, What's up?
Holmes: Correct, Mary. "WATSUP!"
Watson: What?
Holmes: Watsup, Watson.
Watson: I don't know! That's what I want to find out!
Holmes: What?
Mary: No, what's UP!
Watson: What?
Mary: Now don't YOU start!
Watson: I don't understand what's going on! I just want to know
what's up!
Holmes: Right.
Watson: What's right?
Holmes: No, Watsup.
Watson: HOLMES!
Mary: Yes, what's up!
Watson: MARY!
Holmes: Now, I'M confused!
Watson (sighs): Never mind. Do you have anything else to tell us,
Holmes?
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